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The Kid

Back when we were touring through Europe and the United Kingdom with Spank Rock (sometime in '06), we had this tour manager named Gez. He once told me this story that I found so bizarre, I had to write it down. I knew it would make for the perfect skit someday when I would be on Saturday Night Live or something. But, since I randomly came across it the other day, I figured I'd share!

A couple of years ago, Gez was touring with some unnamed rap group through Canada. Their travels had them speeding through the middle of the forrest of bum fuck nowhere. He was speeding to catch the last ferry of the night. It's the one you have to catch or else your screwed and have to stay another day. So, he had to make it... hence the speeding. Super focused and driving with a purpose, he sees a cop car, but says to him-
self... fuck it, I have to make the boat! So, he didn't slow down. Gez just pressed on, but some how... down the road, the cop car catches up to the van and pulls them over. The cop's car ends up being this hugh 4x4 truck type vehicle and the cop is this massive monster of a man. At first, Gez played dumb and decided to used the "I'm just a dumb tourist" line (when he knew better and had actually been in Canada for about 3 months). They talk and Gez explains his story of how he has to get to the last ferry or else and etc... Then, in the most serious of tones... the cop says, we'll I can write you a ticket and you can come back tomorrow for a speeding class or.... you can "talk to the kid". No Joke! Gez, all confused and questionalble, says what any normal person would say and goes... "I'll .... talk... to the.....kid?" Answering a 'yes' to the kid, but in a voice that goes up in the end like its a question. Theres a brief pause and Gez asks, "O.K., Where's the Kid?" To which the cop replies, "I got 'em in the truck". The cop goes back to his gigantic squad vehicle and time goes by really, really slowly... Gez is waiting and nervous. All of a sudden, a little 10 year old boy comes up to the window! "Eh, umh.. (in the littlest and most innocent of high-pitched, child like voices) ...you shouldn't speed. Its very dangerous and there could be children..." Rightfully confused and shocked beyond belief, Gez manages to reply to the child... "You are absolutely right, speeding is wrong." A few more words of wisdom are spoken by the kid and soon after, he leaves and the cop lets Gez drive off. The tour van is silent for the next 10 minutes with nothing but puzzled faces. Gez makes the ferry.


the kidresize410

Comments for this entry

MR. A*OK

thats the kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid kid!

swissformula

LOL. Brilliant.

DLake

Actually... really damn good delivery. Like, I know in person that it's a phenomenal story... but Ronnie... the Lord... the Darko... you actually told it well.

You ever think of a career in comedic writing? I think you might have the gift...

Darko

Illustration courtesy of swissformula.
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